5 Minutes

March 13, 2014 | Julie Hall

In the span of a 24 hour day, what’s 5 minutes? It’s grabbing a quick snack before you head out the door, feeding your cat, texting your best friend, or checking your email. In the grand scheme of things, it’s certainly not much. Our lives are so busy; we barely notice. But often, they are full of things that are mundane and perhaps not all that important; they simply keep us busy. That 5 minutes comes and goes without a care, never to be experienced again in quite the same way.

To some people, 5 minutes is an eternity: a soldier who sees their life flash before their eyes, a lady waiting to find out if she’s pregnant, a young child waiting for Christmas morning, or holding a loved one’s hand while they’re dying.

If you were given 5 minutes to do, or re-do, anything you wanted to, any time, anywhere, or any place, what would you do and would you do anything differently?

If I had 5 minutes, just 5 measly minutes, for a chance to do anything I wanted, I would choose to visit with my mother again. Throughout the course of our lives, she and I talked a lot about a lot. I was the last person to talk with her before she passed suddenly, and our parting words to each other, without knowing she was going to die, were simply “I love you.” But if I had that wish and just 5 minutes more, I would have told her exactly what she meant to me, how blessed I was to have known her and have her as my mother, and that I would do everything I could to live by her kind and caring example. Everyone loved Anne. She was one of the nicest people on the planet and my world lost its color the day she passed.

I would do all of this, if I had 5 minutes more with her … complete with a long and loving hug. But I don’t have any minutes with her anymore.

What’s 5 minutes to you?

Is there someone in your life right now where 5 minutes (just 5 tiny minutes) could heal your life and theirs? Take the 5 minutes I no longer have and do something really good with it.

It is a gift!

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Don’t Let Parents Leave Without This!

September 27, 2013 | Julie Hall

It always puts a smile on my face when people email me to let me know they enjoy my writings. Sometimes I get great advice too. I heard from Mary, a lovely lady who works as a nurse in an Alzheimer’s Assisted Living facility. She enjoyed my book of checklists, “How to Clean Out Your Parents’ Estate in 30 Days or Less,” and thought of a few more things to add to the book.

How to Clean Out Your Parent’s Estate

She lived through this process with middle-aged children and elderly parents, and she knows what may be needed. Here are her recommendations:

A copy of a marriage certificate is necessary for most insurance policies.
Be sure you have on hand a birth certificate. If you don’t have it, order a couple of original copies from the state where they were born.
Documents for a cemetery plot or Neptune Society plans
Military discharge paperwork for burial in a veteran’s cemetery, or even to implement veteran’s benefits for medications or financial benefits toward long-term care. EXCELLENT POINT!
Has your loved one pre-chosen or pre-paid funeral home expenses? People die unexpectedly and often the family has no clue what was prepaid, where to bury them, or what their wishes were (cremation, laid to rest). As you may recall, both of my parents died rapidly. Thank goodness, we had all of their paperwork, including dad’s veteran papers.
Copies of will/trust and living will. Whether they do or do not want a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate), it has to be documented and you will need copies if you are suddenly faced with making life or death decisions. Dying without a will or in debt is not a good idea.
Medication disposal: Please dispose of medications in a lidded glass jar with coffee grounds or cat litter, and soap and water. Dissolve medication in that jar and then throw away. You can also contact your local pharmacy for their drug “take-back” program. Mary reminds me that many meds, like chemo drugs, can be especially toxic.

Thank you for these words of wisdom!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

David Vs. Goliath

August 29, 2013 | Julie Hall

Images of the nasty, colossal giant filled our heads when we first heard the story of David and Goliath as children. For purposes of today’s blog, let’s look to this story as the little guys vs. the big guys (small business owners vs. large corporations).

Recently, I attended numerous small business events and a few weekend festivals. I was surrounded by hundreds of vendors, each trying to sell something: widgets, kitchen ware, handmade jewelry, insurance, small appliances, books — you name it! While I participated in what appeared to be a vibrant display of colors on a beautiful day, what I noticed most of all popped my balloon and sent my spirits southbound.

While everyone was caught up in the festivities, I saw something no one else seemed to notice; no one was buying much of anything. There were free give-aways and samples, but very few people were doling out the cash for any product. The thought occurred to me that all these vendors shelled out cash to rent space, with the high hopes of selling their products or services. When one looked at the people in the booths, you could see the weariness on their faces, as they worried that their business might not make it.

I took notice of the small jewelers who were silversmiths, etc. Their work was lovely but high-priced. I am the first to acknowledge and praise the labor of love that goes into a work of art, but people these days are buying precious metals at spot price, not four or ten times spot price. I realize they are buying art and not weight, but in my circles, I see it sell by weight. So how on earth is the little guy supposed to make ends meet?

This is a common theme among small business owners, especially in the last few years. There are numerous causes for concern: the economy, demand of what’s hot and what’s not, capital needs to run the business, taxes, etc. My business adviser said the two main reasons businesses fails is:

People run out of money, and
People lose their follow-through and tenacity.

While these may be accurate, we are living in strange times. Many people are anxious about money and worried that they won’t have enough or already don’t have enough.

It seems lately that the little guy is getting beat to a pulp. They are losing their benefits, having to let go of employees because they can no longer afford them, etc. I think the government often hurts the little guy instead of helping them. Such a shame!

Many of the greatest corporations came from modest roots. Look at Facebook, Microsoft, and others. These guys started out in one room with very little money, but armed with fantastic ideas that changed our daily lives. Can we all be Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg? No. We’re not meant to be. We’re meant to illuminate our corner of the world with our thoughts and ideas every day and do the best that we can.

I can’t pretend to know all the issues out there that affect small business owners, but I know this much — If little David can slay a giant with one strategically placed stone, we just need to have a little faith and practice more strategic thinking. Then, we too can be successful.

When a Change in Health Prompts a Change in Your Will

July 24, 2013 | Julie Hall

An estimated 50% of us have a will or trust! This is not good news!

Most people have not yet comprehended (or accepted) that dying without a will is a very costly mistake that will negatively impact all you leave behind. It’s not just about the hassles and frustrations your heirs will go through potentially for years, but the expenses involved. Ultimately, the state you live in will make decisions regarding your estate that will not distribute it the way you would have chosen. In a nutshell, get it done now and leave a legacy of respect, instead of resentment.

For those who do have a will, it is important to consider any changes in mental and physical health, as these could greatly impact the outcome of someone’s wishes. For example, let’s say mom’s healthcare power of attorney states that dad makes all decisions for mom in the event she is incapacitated, vegetative state, etc. Suddenly dad is exhibiting odd behavior and is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, which is progressing rapidly. Can he now make sound decisions for mom? Or, mom may not think about these details and this is the time for the children to talk with her about it.

So many Boomer children don’t know how to talk with their parents about these delicate issues, so permit me to offer some very sound advice. It has to be done; it has to be discussed, as painful as it is. If left “under the carpet,” no answers will be available to you should they become infirm or die. Get the answers now, and do so with love and compassion.

Here’s one example: “Mom, we were thinking about yours and dad’s situation. Now that dad is showing a decline in health, new decisions have to be made and documented so your wishes are fulfilled the way you would like them to be. Dad is no longer capable of understanding complex issues, and you will need to choose a new healthcare power of attorney, so we can ensure the correct decisions will be made. Can you please give this some thought? Can we make an appointment with your attorney to have this changed soon?

This one example really gets you thinking. Anytime there is a significant change in your life or a parent’s life, consider discussing with an elder law or estate planning attorney. Being proactive isn’t always easy or pleasant, but it can head off gut-wrenching issues that will occur at some point, especially if you have elderly loved ones. Making sound decisions in the midst of crisis is not the optimal time to think clearly.

Lead with love, and start communicating while you can!

6 Practical Ways to Help Your Parents This Summer

June 26, 2013 | Julie Hall

Spending time visiting your parents this summer? Here are 6 practical ways that you can assist your elderly parents.

Help your parents protect all their assets. Know all the professionals they work with, i.e. CPA, financial planner, attorney, etc.
Know the location of all their important documents. If the documents are in a locked cabinet or fireproof storage, know where the keys are kept.
Have the important conversations with them about their wishes for the future, who will be their executor, healthcare power of attorney, and discuss distribution of the heirlooms and personal property.
You can’t take it with you! If they are able, suggest to your parents that they write a master list of who should get what, and give the document to the executor. Or, they can ask each child what they would like to have, and put that on a “wish list”. A document cuts down on the “he said-she said” that often goes on when settling an estate.
Start de-cluttering and thinning out your parents’ home now. Often children are overwhelmed by the amount of “stuff” in their Depression Era parents’ home. This is a good way to begin the process of cleaning out, so you won’t have to do it all at once later. Make sure you have their permission.
Always come from a place of love. You will have several difficult conversations and awkward moments when asking your parents these questions. Always approach them with love. For example, “Mom, we are very worried about you and would like to have a talk about what you would like for your future. Sue and I would like to honor your wishes, but first, we need to know what those wishes are.”

For more practical tips and compassionate advice, read my best-selling book, The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff. Check the right side of my blog for a link to order my books.

Getting Your Affairs in Order is Not Just for the Elderly

June 17, 2013 | Julie Hall

In years gone by, I can recall that the majority of my clients were the elderly looking for help downsizing. Somewhere around 2003, that all changed and the calls coming into my office were coming from children looking for help handling their parents’ estates after they passed away or help cleaning out their estates.

Today, things have shifted once again. While I still work with the elderly occasionally, and certainly work with the boomer children who are the majority of my business, I see an ever-increasing (and hair-raising) trend of hearing from younger children whose parents have died unexpectedly in their 50s and 60s.

We all seem to be programmed that infirmity and death only occur in old age. Sadly, this is not the case. Perhaps it is wishful thinking on our part, or not wanting to think about it at all. But in my work, I am seeing more and more of my deceased clients are eerily close to my own age, and I never thought of myself as being old. I find myself thinking about my clients, and what they are going through, because most of their parents don’t take the time to plan ahead, especially when they are still relatively young. This throws the grieving children into more of a tail-spin because they may not have had “The Talk.”

Many children do not know what their parents’ final wishes are, nor how the estate is to be divided. They don’t even know if the parents have a Will or Trust. These are HUGE issues that weigh heavily on those left behind.

Estate Lady Tips:

Don’t do that to your children or beneficiaries. You are mortal and a plan has to be shared with loved ones. While you may not want to discuss this, you will feel much better after you do, and your children will thank you for it. They will be especially grateful when the time comes, realizing the care you took ahead of time to make their lives easier. Make an appointment to have a Will/Trust drawn up this week.
Don’t die in debt. This is a horrid situation. Suffice it to say you create a nightmare for those dealing with your estate.
Ask for an addendum to your Will so you can assign who gets what. Better yet, give it away while you are still living so there is less to fight about after you are gone.
Start clearing out your home now, even if you are young. Don’t let it accumulate or it will snowball on you. gain control of the house (and the piles of stuff we all have) and start clearing out. Once a month, drop off items to a charity, or arrange for them to come to the house for a pick up. Have yard sales for a little extra spending money. If you haven’t seen it or used it in a year, let it go.
Talk to your spouse and children about what you want. Both of my parents died without much warning. It’s a good thing they told us what they wanted and had the legal documents to back up their wishes. When the time came (and it did when I least expected it), I knew exactly what to do. I can still hear mom telling me, “Dad and I don’t want you to go through any more than you have to, because you will be going through enough when the time comes. We want to make this as easy as possible on you, and we have made these decisions ahead of time to remove additional stress placed on you.” This was music to my ears, not fully understanding the massive impact until I had to make a life and death decision for one of them. I still can’t believe how much love they had for us.

These are not easy things to do. Doing them sooner, rather than later, will change the way you think about these issues and make it much easier for you and your family in the future. Take it from one who sees this trouble everyday.

Resources from the Estate Lady:

To really learn how to clean out an estate, as a hobby or business, I have created a Professional Estate Clean Out course: http://www.aselonline.com/professional_estate_clean_outs.html
My practical, solutions-based, no-nonsense guide for equitable distribution: http://www.amazon.com/Divide-Familys-Heirlooms-Peacefully-Sensibly/dp/0984419128/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371476056&sr=8-1&keywords=How+to+divide+your+parents+estate

More Lessons for Fellow Entrepreneurs

May 24, 2013 | Julie Hall

In the last blog post, I began talking about becoming an entrepreneur, and I promised to share the most important lessons I have learned in building a successful business.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do it. You can and will find a way. People who say things like that are often a bit envious of the entrepreneurial spirit, or perhaps live with regrets of their own. It’s also possible they just don’t understand.
If you don’t try, you will always wonder about what “could have been.” Avoid living with regret and guilt by trying your best. Regret will catch up with you when you are elderly, as I often hear from my clients. Nothing bad can ever come from trying your best. The human spirit needs to put forth effort to have some sense of satisfaction.
When you come to crossroads in your life as an entrepreneur, always go with your gut instinct. It’s interesting that we often let our heads get in the way of what our gut already knows. My gut has never lied to me. Tune into it, listen attentively, and keep moving. Do not get stuck in the decision-making process. If the first decision didn’t work, try another approach.
Stay the course. So you’ve stumbled and what you had planned isn’t working. Take polls from business leaders you trust. Ask questions and figure out what is needed to move on to the next level. Perhaps you need a different company image, or you are not marketing to the right audience. Ask, ask, and ask again until the answers come.
Figure out what it is specifically that makes you different and better than your competitors. Capitalize on those differences, and you now have a new marketing campaign — a fresh approach to hammer away at those you want to reach, whether by email, flyers, marketing packets, etc.
The best advertising in the world is a happy customer. No amount of high dollar advertising is nearly as good as the people you please with your work. The step that most entrepreneurs forget is to ASK your clients to tell others about you. You must become a shameless self-promoter, but do so graciously and always with a smile. Find a way to get in with large groups of people at one time. Think smart!
Identify what it is you are selling. Sounds crazy, but most people haven’t figured out they are not selling gizmos or a service. I am an estate professional who specializes in personal property. Do I just sell people’s stuff? No, I sell a solution — multiple solutions. Really think about this one.
Follow through with passion and tenacity. My business adviser told me many years ago that the real reason entrepreneurs fail isn’t for lack of great ideas. There are many bright, ambitious, and creative entrepreneurs-to-be out there. They simply fail for one of two reasons: financial reasons, or they never go for it with everything they’ve got. Their follow-through is weak and the business never has a fair chance at taking off.
Be the best at what you do. Don’t allow yourself, your ideas, or your company to get swallowed up by others who do the same thing. You must do it better, as the cream always rises to the top.
Always look forward and never look back. Ever notice how some people live in the past and seem to get stuck there? It’s ok to visit the past and learn from what went wrong, but then, turn it into a positive so it works to your benefit.
For every problem you encounter, there is a solution.
Always be kind, courteous, and compassionate. Kindness gets noticed because so few people actually practice it.

May this guidance bring as much happiness and success to your life as it has for mine.

Entrepreneurs: If I Can Do It, You Can Too

May 15, 2013 | Julie Hall

If I only knew then, what I know now …

Twenty three years ago, I had this crazy idea while sitting at my corporate desk, that if I was going to work this hard for them, I might as well work that hard for myself. I also thought, “Julie, how can you even think of this? You must be off your rocker to consider leaving the reliability of a paycheck and benefits.” Like a lightning bolt from the sky, an intense thought grabbed hold of this young woman at the exuberant age of 27 and it never let go. People say this is the first sign you are an entrepreneur.

From that day to now, I feel compelled to share with every person who is reading this: if I had the chance to do it all again, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was the right decision, made me wise beyond my years, and honestly comes with zero regret. However, it was not an easy road. In fact, there was no road at all in my chosen field. I found myself at an instant crossroad before I took my first step. Do I move forward into the abyss not knowing what I am doing and make a road for others to follow one day? Or should I turn around and stay in a job I didn’t care for but had a steady paycheck. As it turned out, I discovered I am an excellent bulldozer and I paved the way to what I was meant to do. The really great news: if I can do it, you can too.

One of the first lessons you learn as an entrepreneur is that while a multitude of resources are available to you, ultimately you are on your own. What an isolating feeling. You learn quickly what you are made of. It takes great strength and stamina to fulfill your dream, not to mention the patience and support of those closest to you. More than that, it takes tenacity of spirit, a positive mindset when you feel like crumbling and crying (and yes, that will happen), and the ability to get back up when you were just knocked down.

As a mother, when my daughter was learning to walk and she stumbled and fell, I would encourage her to get right back up immediately, brush herself off, and go on to her next adventure. So too, is the unpredictable life of an entrepreneur. Get right back up, and no matter what, keep moving forward. Throughout the years, there nave been many times I felt like the hamster that runs on that wheel with lots of vigor, but never really gets anywhere. Looking back I actually was going somewhere, but the holding patterns and plateaus are very frustrating. Yet they are part of our growth.

People venture out as entrepreneurs for many different reason. Some receive a strong calling, perhaps an invention in their mind or a service which will bring relief to the consumer. Others feel they are better off building their own business; still others thrive on the satisfaction they receive on the road to success. For me, it was all of the above.

What I wouldn’t have given back then to have the experience and valuable knowledge I possess today! Next week, I’ll share the most important lessons I have learned in building a successful business. Please don’t miss this knowledge for yourself or someone you know.

“Truck Carrying Heirlooms Stolen”

April 10, 2013 | Julie Hall

Can you imagine dealing with a loved one’s passing, dividing the estate, renting a truck to bring heirlooms home, and on the way back … the truck gets stolen?

This is a true story that happened last week. Apparently, the children packed up everything they wanted to keep and headed home with a truck full, including $100,000 worth of jewelry in the cab of the truck, $7,000 worth of furniture, and $4,000 worth of power tools in the trailer of the truck. The children started in Ohio and were heading home to Florida, when they decided to stop and rest for the night at a Microtel Inn. By the time they woke and were ready to hit the road at 9:00 am, they discovered everything was gone, including the truck.

Sadly, there was no outside surveillance at this Microtel, but most economy hotels do not have outdoor surveillance. The children seemed to be befuddled that the truck was stolen because it was “parked under a light in the parking lot” and they locked the truck. Lights and locks don’t stop thieves. The thief broke in and hot-wired the truck.

Call me crazy, but it seems to me they could have been followed from where they started. Someone probably knew what they were carrying and decided to help themselves when no one was looking. Besides the obvious pain of feeling violated and cheated by some thug out there, one has to wonder what they were thinking when they left $100,000 worth of jewelry in a small suitcase inside the truck. It begs the question, “Why not take the jewelry into the hotel room with you for the night?” That’s what I would have done.

Would-have, could-have, should-have will not be of any help in this case. The damage is done! The police will most likely not find the jewelry, as it’s my guess it was flipped for quick cash or it sits in someone’s safe for a while until the coast is clear. They will find the truck, abandoned somewhere and completely gutted of its contents.

Estate Lady tips when transferring or traveling with valuables:

1. Jewelry/cash needs to be carried on your person at all times (fanny pack, backpack, pinned inside garments, shoulder bag worn across your chest, etc.) until you arrive home and get it to a safe place.

2. Furniture and other items, such as power tools, that add up in value should be moved professionally if the family can afford it. Moving companies have insurance and if it were stolen/damaged under their care, they would have at least been given some replacement money. Professional movers usually have checks and balances in place to ensure theft doesn’t happen. Make sure to use a larger, well-known, professional mover.

3. For smaller valuables such as figurines, small paintings, jewelry, etc: Whenever we move, I take on the liability myself, pack the car with them and get to my destination in one day. If I can’t do that, then they need to be professionally packed and moved, making sure you take out additional insurance and have the items appraised, just in case. Or, I will sell items that no longer mean much to me and that lightens my load.

I realize people want to do it themselves because it is more economical to do so. But as you can see, this cheaper option was overwhelmingly more costly.

I remember packing up my car from mom and dad’s estate and making the 10 hour road trip back home alone. I never left the car, except to run in to use a restroom and stretch my legs. Mom’s jewelry was on my person, hidden. So even if my car had been stolen, because it looked like something out of the Beverly Hillbillies, at least the more valuable and sentimental jewelry items were safe with me.

Such a tragic story that didn’t have to happen!

It Was As If She Never Existed

February 6, 2013 | Julie Hall

All it would have taken was some planning. Mrs. Jones was recently removed from her home due to rapidly progressing dementia. Since she had no children and her husband pre-deceased her, there was no one to care for her and her financial matters. The case was turned over to a guardian who nothing about her or her situation. I was asked to go to Mrs. Jones’ home and evaluate the possessions to see what could be sold for her continued care.

I went to the home and spent some time photographing it for the guardian so they could see the type of home and possessions that were in it. While the home was basically clean, you could see that someone afflicted with dementia was living there, as the upstairs was all askew. Food was left in the refrigerator from months before, and the drawers, cabinets, etc. had been rummaged through. My job was to report back my findings, what could be sold, and offer an estimate to clean out the house.

As it turns out, they do not know if the house is falling into foreclosure, or if it is owned outright, or if there is even any money in Mrs. Jones’ name. It would appear from a stranger looking in, that there were little-to-no facts about Mrs. Jones at all — it was as if any knowledge of her took leave when her dementia took hold.

My heart really went out to Mrs. Jones. I am no stranger to dementia and how it affects the one who has it, and also the loved ones around them. Yet, no one stepped forward to claim Mrs. Jones. No one even knew if she had any financial means. All they knew is all the utilities had been turned off because she forgot to pay the bills. One day she was there and one day she was moved. It’s as if she never existed.

If ever there was a classic example of planning ahead, it’s this one. Ask yourself, your parents, your spouse … what IF? Isn’t it better to give this life situation, and many others similar to it, some serious thought now while you can?

I am an old softy. Tough as nails when I have to be, but soft when it comes to the elderly and infirmity. Most of this scenario, if not all of it, could have been avoided with some pre-planning. It’s too late for Mrs. Jones. I don’t even want to think about where she is or the kind of care she is receiving. But it’s not too late for us and our loved ones.

Have the talk today!