Lessons Learned from Seniors

A Case of the Grumpies

| Julie Hall

We are bombarded by tens of thousands of media messages daily.  We even have miniscule handheld gadgets and crazy fingers that fly faster than the typing secretaries we see in the old black and white movies.  As if our desktops aren’t enough, we feel the need to remain “connected” to any new technological advance, and constantly have the media in our face.  Sadly, we are exposed to all the negative energy the world has to offer.  No wonder we are so tired.

As a result of this exposure, the state of the economy, the politicians’ barrage of empty promises, financial strife, etc., we all seem a little angrier and much grumpier than we used to be.

It’s no different for those settling an estate.  Everyone feels a particular piece was sentimental only to them, or “Mom always wanted me to have that.”  Heirs go into the division of assets with the image they will always get what they want and this simply is not the case.  Arguments of what has value, differences of opinion, who-gets-what, things disappearing in the night … all of this happens because our loved ones failed to plan ahead.

Obstacles abound every way we turn.  Frustrating?  Yes.  A reason to go out into the world and make everyone miserable?  NO!

Mom always said we can make a choice how we behave out in the world and inside ourselves.  The next time you see someone walking around with the weight of the world on their back, make a choice and give them a great big smile.  It’s amazing how something so simple can have such great impact on them … and on you!

© 2011 Julie Hall

Your Reality Check for the Day

| Julie Hall

My clients have taught me that in the end, the worth of an item is measured only by the joy it brings at a particular point in time.  Many of us claim to cherish our possessions, only to discover that with the passage of time, they don’t mean as much anymore, or they have become a burden to us in some way.

Perhaps our tastes have changed.  Our home is too cluttered, or the sheer volume of what we own has caused marital strife.  Maybe you feel guilty because mom passed away and you feel the need to take a lot of what she owned.

Today, more and more people are selling their stuff to downsize, make extra money, empty an estate, or to simplify their lives and not have their stuff own them.  I’ve seen each scenario described, and I have witnessed what appear to be love affairs between people and their things.

A recent client told me he was terminally ill and he had many collectibles and oddities he had collected over the years.  He wanted me to come over, sell what I could, and send the proceeds to benefit a wonderful organization.  What a beautiful thought, but it’s what he said that made me really think:  “Mrs. Hall, it’s time for someone else to enjoy these items which brought me so much pleasure.  I am blessed beyond measure.  These are just things that I had fun fixing up and looking at.  But it is a humbling thought knowing someone won’t make it through the night, and it’s time to move forward.  My job right now is not to worry about this stuff … it’s to live as long as I can!”

Suddenly, everything shifted as his words sunk in.  I always thought I was unique to my industry – that while I was an expert in personal property, I never truly had love for these things, just appreciation.  Clients like him have taught me what’s really important in life.

© 2011, The Estate Lady

Live So You Make a Difference in Others’ Lives

| Julie Hall

Cleaning out estates never gets dull — I just never know what I will uncover next or what heartwarming lesson I will learn.  Sometimes I am covered head to toe in grime and sweat, and other days it’s a tiptoe through a pristine mansion.  But no matter what our residence may look like, at the heart of the home lies the very essence of who we are.  Our possessions reveal a great deal about us as individuals.

Today, we completed the clean-out of an elderly nurse who served her entire life.  She didn’t just serve in the hospital; she served her community by becoming “Miss Sue” in the neighborhood.  She had been in the same home 60+ years.  No matter what the community needed, she was there.  Someone needed first aid in a hurry; people took them to Miss Sue.  A young girl found herself in trouble; you go to Miss Sue.  As six decades passed, Miss Sue saw her neighborhood change.  There were juvenile delinquents, drugs in the area, other crime, etc., but everyone still went to Miss Sue for whatever they needed, and she was always happy to help.

As the last little bit of furniture was removed from Miss Sue’s home today, we were approached by numerous neighbors from all walks of life.  They surely loved Miss Sue and missed her terribly.  As I drove away, sweaty and tired from the hard day’s work, I thought to myself what a wonderful life Miss Sue lived.  She served so many during her lifetime and really made a difference!

© 2011, The Estate Lady

It’s Better to Be Safe Than Sorry

| Julie Hall

You know you are in trouble when an expert shakes his head and says, “With the way the economy is going ….”  I share this because I sat with an expert just yesterday and he offered me sound advice which I want to share with you.

He’s not just a highly successful jeweler.  He’s been in the business 60+ years and knows a great deal about his industry.  I also knew immediately upon meeting him that this older gentleman had extensive knowledge about the market, where it’s headed, and what we can expect in the future.  Many clients ask me on a daily basis what my thoughts are on the market, so today I offer a little on precious metals and gems.

My mom had given me some scrap gold to sell and I have several items I no longer wanted, but some of the pieces are very nice.  So I went to him for a little advice: Should I sell now, or hold onto it for “a while?”

His eyes and demeanor were like that of a wise old sage, and he said the following:

1.  Don’t sell these items now if you don’t need the money.  One day, these items will probably be worth more than cash.  With the way the economy is going ….

2.  In his opinion, gold may very well hit $5000 per ounce in our lifetime, but not in the immediate future.

3.  If the US dollar lost its power, you would still have items to barter with.  At least you would have it, and it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Now, I know this isn’t rocket science and we’ve heard this before.  But the warmth and wisdom in which he delivered this information forced me to take heed and really listen.  So for now, those items are tucked back in the safe where they belong, taunting me with the question, “Will I ever need to pull it out in the future, if things got really bad?”  Well, at least it’s there if I need it.

© 2011, The Estate Lady

One Chip Can Ruin Everything

| Julie Hall

In my world of personal property, one little chip on a porcelain piece can mean the difference  between going into the trash and selling it for far less than it should have sold, had it been perfect.  As an appraiser of fine items, I know that original condition is just one very important characteristic when assigning value.

My entire career has centered around selling items that are in good, original condition — not stripped of original finish, not repaired, not refurbished — just plain, old original condition.  It is also that same original condition that attracts the collector toward the mellowness of color that only the passage of time can create on a beautiful antique wood piece — imperfections and all. 

Those imperfections “prove” to that collector’s discriminating eye it’s true age, and the history and personality of the piece.  Worn leather, distress marks, scars from accidents, etc. are all part of the life our antique possessions have led before they came to us.

The collector knows some of these marks are positive attributes, but the average person is in search of perfection — perfection of body, perfection of mind, perfection for each facet of their lives.

It suddenly occurred to me that we should look at ourselves and each other in the very same manner as that special collector.  We are aging, we have earned our stripes, we have gained insight and wisdom through the passage of years.  Yet we too have many imperfections: a chip here, a chip there, a few fracture lines.  We should strive to do our best to live with our original condition for as long as possible.

While one chip can greatly diminish the value of  an antique platter, our own self-worth only grows deeper with our well-earned battle scars from a life well lived.

© 2011 Julie Hall

The Essence of Compassion

| Julie Hall

One of the most beautiful and important attributes a person can have is compassion.  Sadly, we don’t see as much of it these days as we did back in our parents’ or grandparents’ lifetime.  Call me old-fashioned, but I feel that compassion is desperately needed, both to be given as well as received every day.  Let this serve as a reminder to all who read this how very blessed we are.  We should spread those blessings wherever and however we can.

When dealing with our family members, especially through difficult times — times of change, times of illness and death, times of uncertainty — we should hold these words close to heart. 

I don’t know who wrote this, but I have used it for many years and want to pass it along to you.

The Essence of Compassion

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong …  Because sometime in your life, you will have been all of these ….

 © 2011 Julie Hall

5 Promises to Yourself in 2011

| Julie Hall

Happy New Year!

These days, it appears increasingly difficult to stay on the level emotionally.  So much comes at us that it’s depressing to turn on the TV.  To combat this heaviness that many feel, I have 5 suggestions to make us feel more buoyant this year.  Please share them with your family and friends, since we all need to support one another.

  1. Let It Go!  Let go of anything that weighs you down.  Surplus material possessions and stuff that no longer has meaning, people and relationships that are toxic, clean out that closet and give to those in need, etc.  Just let go!  You will immediately feel lighter, and more open space will provide an uplift in your spirit.
  2. If something you tried last year didn’t work out, keep trying different ways until it does work.  As the old saying goes, “there is more than one way to skin a cat.”  Try again in different ways; ask close friends or colleagues what they would do.  Valued opinions and objective third parties may very well be the sounding board you need or provide you with the brilliant idea that works.
  3. Broaden your horizons.  No more excuses!  Take that pottery class, dance class, go to that place you’ve always wanted to see, train for a marathon, volunteer, lose weight, etc.  Just do it!  Spend some time on YOU.
  4. Practice appreciation.  Open your eyes and look for the simple pleasures in your life.  Put forth a little effort to “see” the good in the world.  Sometimes you need to go for a walk and admire the birds, look at the sky, and take some deep breaths.  A survey of centenarians (over 100 years old) shows they attribute their longevity to simple pleasures like walking barefoot, watering their garden, swimming, etc.
  5. Train your brain to think positively.  Yes, there is alot wrong with the world today, but there is still much good in it.  Go forth, do good things, be a good person, and try to make a difference for others.  The rewards are far greater than you know!  It comes back to you, and it will give you a strong sense of purpose in the new year.

© 2011 Julie Hall

The BEST Way to Preserve Your Family History

| Julie Hall

Last week, I gave you 5 suggestions for preserving family photographs.  Family history doesn’t have to be just about photos.  It can be your father’s war items that you have displayed in a shadow box, like I saw recently at a friend’s house.  Her father’s Army photo, with his dog tags, and several other mementos looked terrific on the wall, instead of thrown in a box that won’t be seen or admired much.

Perhaps Grandma never finished the quilt she was working on, and all you have are square remnants.  Why not take these to a professional and have the remnants made into pillows for your siblings?  I have even seen these framed.

Of course, I still feel the BEST WAY TO PRESERVE YOUR FAMILY HISTORY is to give your elders the most spectacular gift of all: yourself and some time.  Spend a Sunday every few weeks and make it a point to record or videotape them (with their permission, of course).  Or, just write down everything they say: the funny stories, the family tragedies, etc.  Accumulate this precious information and create your own family memory/history book, based on first hand information.

Remember, one of the biggest regrets I see is when a loved one dies and it’s too late to ask questions.  Find your own unique way to preserve your family history.  Take a little time with a loved one, make their day, and learn about where you came from.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Preserve Your Family History

| Julie Hall

Today, like any other day, I walked out to my mailbox, and I found an envelope from my elderly father.  I can’t remember receiving much mail from Dad in the past.  It has always been Mom who sent me things.  But it was Dad’s handwriting; I have been worried because he hasn’t been well.  I opened the letter, not knowing quite what to expect.  Much to my surprise, I found the following letter along with a handful of photographs that had been enlarged:

Dear Julie,

I am enclosing several enlargements of old slides I found in the back of the garage.  I thought you and the others that are in the photos should have them — sorry, in some of them you weren’t even born yet.  It is important for you to have these because they show both sides of your family — these are the people you come from.  You should preserve these and show them to your children and grandchildren as your mother and I are doing now.

Love to all, Dad

Dad’s letter made me realize two things. 

First, our older parents do think about these things and do worry that once they are gone, all family lineage will die with them.  In my estate business, I see this all too often.  On the flip side, I see families that preserve almost too much and it becomes information overload for the kids.  Is there a happy medium?  I think there can be.

Second, as a boomer myself, I feel that many of us in our 40s, 50s, and 60s neglect to ask about our heritage until our loved ones are either infirm or they pass away.  I have seen so many of my boomer clients say they “wish they could talk to mom and ask who is this person in the photo.”

So what can be done?  I’ll give you some specific ideas next week!

© 2010 Julie Hall

A Spontaneous Invitation Changed My Outlook on Life

| Julie Hall

It was a spontaneous invitation from my mother to attend their senior holiday dance and party.  I was out of state visiting them and I obliged her request.  How much fun could it really be with everyone so advanced in years?

The club house was nothing fancy — reminiscent of a church basement or school gym, devoid of color, with few decorations.  In front of the small Bingo stage sat the collapsible sound system from the hired DJ, complete with a disco ball spinning crystal dots on the walls, and a lighted 3-foot Santa next to his unit.  The floor was exceptionally shiny, as if someone had spent hours buffing it to perfection for dancing.

The 40 seniors waited in line for cafeteria style dinner of roast beef, green beans, and a roll.  Dessert would be homemade cakes from the neighborhood ladies, served on styrofoam plates.

During our meal, the DJ came alive, obviously loving his job.  The beat from Glen Miller’s “In the Mood” was evident in my tapping feet, shoulder motions and bobbing head.  Was that ME actually having fun?  The fun was just beginning.

Mesmerized by the fantastic selection of 40’s and 50’s music and jazz beats, the seniors suddenly came alive.  Some with canes, others with oxygen, still others afflicted with heart disease — it didn’t matter to them — they got up and started dancing like they were young again.  Before my eyes, the music became their magic.  Transported from 2009 back to the 1940s, the hands of time literally spun backwards to return them to their prime in life.  This was their night and they proudly took ownership.

The most moving part of the evening was how they looked at each other.  Couples married for 50-60 years still gazed upon each other with love and affection.  I even caught a glimpse of an 80 year old man stroking his wife’s face while they danced, and I had to hold back the tears because I knew she was fighting an illness.  This, I thought, was true commitment. 

They had survived the Great Depression and a devastating world war.  They were fiercely loyal, still loved America, and always had a strong work ethic.

For one night, for a few hours, they didn’t care about their diseases, ailments, aches, and pains.  They only wanted to let their hair down and have a memorable time.  There I sat, in love with each of them for the way they treated each other with smiles galore, twirling about as if today were their last day on earth.

The thought crossed my mind, as it probably did theirs, that their time is indeed limited, for some more than others.  How could they dance and enjoy fellowship with such carefree smiles and attitudes?  Because they love life, and offered each other the best gift anyone could possibly receive … the gift of simple joy. 

I found myself deeply moved by what I saw that evening.  Ours has become a world of convenience, and often inconvenience.  A place where people are always asking, “What’s in it for me?”  A place where we don’t see as much care and concern for each other as was in our parents’ generation.  I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge visiting a strange time and place, who saw the light and understood the meaning in the few hours they allowed me to share with them.

Our seniors truly are our greatest asset and we have much to learn from them!

© 2009 Julie Hall