Life is Hard; Massive Trend to Simplify

October 3, 2014 | Julie Hall

In the last 6 months, I have had about 15 clients preparing to leave the U.S. Several are headed to Costa Rica, one to Belize, and the others mostly Belgium and Switzerland. A couple of others are selling off all their worldly possessions and traveling the country, having sold their businesses and converted their belongings to cash.

In my practice, I am seeing a huge and fast occurring trend to simplify lives and, for lack of a better phrase, “get out of Dodge.” It is interesting to sit back and watch this occur. One would think the clients I am referring to are all affluent, but this is not the case. Some just want a different life, a simpler life with less rushing about. They are tired of being masters to large homes, caring for property, and owning more stuff than they can use.

They are even growing tired of the items they inherited, making peace and letting them go too. From what I can tell, these heirlooms have become monkeys on their backs and they are doing something about it.

We have already seen this mindset in the younger generations X and Y. The millennials have a thought-process all their own; it seems they came into this world not wanting stuff at all. They prefer cash, not stuff.

The majority of my clients divesting themselves of nearly everything are 50+ years and see the writing on the wall. These decisions usually come after their last parent has passed away, and the children are either grown or on their own. They themselves are either retired or been let go of their jobs early, and having trouble finding a new one.

It might seem impulsive to many of you who may be aghast at the thought of selling your worldly possessions. But this group of people, which is growing rapidly (based on the phone calls I receive each day), knows

they can’t take it with them,
the market is not doing us any favors, and
these things will be a burden to someone else someday.

I have followed up with many of these people, and here’s the kicker … They don’t regret a thing! They are so happy they let go of the very things that anchored them; now they are free to enjoy their lives and do what they really want to do.

Funny thing, “stuff.”

So many of us equate our success to the acquisition of stuff. Yet, in the end, it really doesn’t mean much because it cannot come with you.

Sure, we have our few favorite pieces we could never live without. We humans are creatures of habit. We only use 20% of what we own. Think about it! We wear our favorite clothes, favorite shoes and purses, and the rest just sits there. When is the last time you really enjoyed all of the items you brought back from mom’s house after she passed? Are they just sitting there on a shelf, kept but not truly cherished?

I am heeding my own advice and letting go of many things I spent 20+ years collecting. My husband is wondering why I am suddenly purging. It’s because we have too much, and we no longer want or need it. I’d rather have the cash, more space, and more time to enjoy myself!

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

10 lbs. of Flour in a 5 lb. Sack

August 15, 2014 | Julie Hall

Downsizing may be in vogue, but the very sound of the word can make one cringe, including me, and I help people with it every day!

Funny thing how we humans accumulate so much. We hardly notice how out of hand out accumulations have become until we stop, look around, and then panic as we begin the downsizing/selling process.

I have noticed a commonality among my older boomer clients. They have so much in their homes, because they absorbed their parents’ and their grandparents’ possessions. They did not really sort through them; they did not discard much or donate much to charity. They simply absorbed the bulk of it into their own lives and homes. Was this done out of

OBLIGATION?

SENTIMENTALITY?

TRADITION?

Fast forward 50 years … oh my goodness, what do we do with all this stuff now?

When I am called to assist a family with their downsizing challenges, I go in to ascertain values and the market, resources and options. However, the one thing I am always faced with is this eye-opening issue:

If a client currently lives in 3,000 square feet,

and they are downsizing to 1,000-1,200 sq. ft.,

logic dictates they will need to get rid of two-thirds

of what they currently have

to fit comfortably in their new home.

Therein lies the mystery. They still seem to think that letting go of:

6 pieces of furniture,

8 crystal vases,

grandmother’s china service,

and 9 framed prints

is all they need to discard.

“We can squash the rest of it into our new place.”

I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but …

You can’t fit 10 lbs. of flour in a 5 lb. sack,

any more than

You can fit 3,000 square feet of stuff

into 1,000 sq. ft. of house!

It just isn’t going to happen, no matter which way you squish it.

You could try anyway, but you will dislike your overcrowded new home, create tripping hazards, and not want to show off your new place.

“Why not let go?!”

Deal with it head-on and do it sooner, rather than later, when someone else has to do it for you.

Enjoy your new home; don’t make the mistake of taking too much. Don’t put stuff in storage, and don’t pass the buck to your kids or relatives that do not want or need the extra stuff.

There is a season for everything. Now is your season to let go and start over, fresh and simplified.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

The Dragonfly

August 7, 2014 | Julie Hall

My garden is demonstrating a last-ditch effort to produce anything fruitful due to the heat, and regrettably, a bug infestation that has taken place as well. I fought valiantly, but eventually the bugs won. A little while ago, I was in the garden picking dozens of cherry tomatoes from my amazing giant tomato plant. It is approximately 10 feet tall and draping all over the place, despite my creative stakes tall enough to support it; I should have pruned it long ago. Stooping under the graceful limbs, heavy laden with small tomatoes I couldn’t wait to gather, I caught sight of her, a huge iridescent dragonfly resting on top of a garden stake about 18 inches from my face.

I don’t really like insects at all, though I realize they are all very necessary to keep nature balanced. But she was different; minding her own business with her beautiful stained glass-looking wings shining in what was left of the day’s sunlight. I said “hello” out loud and she cocked her head towards me. When I cocked my head in the other direction, she did the same thing. If I moved forward, she moved back. If I moved back, she moved forward.

Suddenly, in this big and chaotic world of ours, I found myself totally locked in a dance with her, enjoying a “moment” nature provided for this one-person audience. For a minute, we observed one another. She must have instinctively known I meant her no harm.

What took me aback was the intelligence I experienced in a living thing so small and common that I had never noticed before. She did not demonstrate fear or wariness by my presence. She was not startled or irritated. She was simply in the moment and inquisitive. I wish I could be more like that, instead of always worrying about deadlines and self-imposed pressure.

I also wondered if the dragonfly may be resting. Maybe that was a sign for me to rest too, because my work has kept me juggling so much up in the air for the last year. I went about picking my tomatoes and cucumbers after she flew off; I was left with the very weird sensation that it would be me who missed her, and not the other way around. We really are connected to everything, and sometimes we all need to “take a moment” and learn a lesson from nature.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

The Emotional Porter

June 4, 2014 | Julie Hall

When I pack for a pleasure trip, I only allow myself to bring one piece of luggage. I traveled for many years and made a habit of running for my plane in high heels and skirts (way back when). Now that I am older, I do everything in my power to lighten my load, wear sensible shoes, and give my aching back a break. I can’t wait to check my bag, sit down, and relax.

I think many of us lug around our emotional baggage on a daily basis and never bother to “check” it. Maybe we don’t know how to, or maybe we just forget, so we end up dragging it with us wherever we go. It gets rather tiring, doesn’t it?

In my business of helping clients sort through estates, after a loved one has moved to assisted living or has died, I see many children/heirs carry a lot of baggage with them, to the point of personal detriment. I realize that we are not at our personal best when these situations occur, but even after months and years of not making proper decisions, we still carry our emotional baggage wherever we go. It then becomes a monkey on our back, and we get angry and even resentful. It chokes our spirit because we don’t know how to heal it.

This emotional baggage comes from a place of not dealing with our stuff ahead of time, before the loss.

Not speaking our truth,
Not making amends,
Not having that conversation when we could have,
Not asking the questions to get the answers we want,
Not healing wounds that could have been healed.

We forget to forgive ourselves for whatever is eating at us!

Besides all that, I see clients feeling guilty and taking possessions they don’t really want. It only means we have more to carry, or more for our children to carry. Life is hard enough.

We don’t need to lug around someone else’s sentiment or prized possessions.

That was their desire, not ours.

On some deep level, we must consider it our penance to drag around this baggage, like the ghost, Jacob Marley, in “A Christmas Carol” showing Scrooge all the heavy chains he must now carry, due to the choices he made in life. It doesn’t have to be like that; release yourself!

I see many children/heirs carry a lot of baggage with them, to the point of personal detriment. Keeping too much stuff can cause divorce, tension, fighting, resentment, and anger among our still-living family. It’s just not worth it!

Some would argue that everything they kept was sentimental, but you can’t squash mom’s household of stuff into your already-full household of stuff and expect everything to be ok. There is only so much you can keep; it should never cause strife among siblings, spouses, or children.

Holding on to grandmother’s or dad’s possessions are not a mandate, not something you have to do. It’s something you want to do. Seriously edit your selections as you do. If in doubt, listen to your inner voice and pass on the item. Take a photo of it and pass it on.

Don’t be pushed, nudged, guilted, obliged, forced, or coerced by any person, any memory, any ghost, or more importantly, yourself.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Exercise Discernment When Cleaning Out Mom & Dad’s House

January 14, 2014 | Julie Hall

Don’t take things just to take them!

Boomers, take heed. As our parents pass away, the temptation to sock away their belongings is great, but take the time to really think about what you are doing. Don’t keep it because you think your children or grandchildren might change their minds one day. Don’t get stuck paying for ludicrous storage bills that far outweigh the value of what you place inside there. Don’t fall into the trap of being a storage for your kids either. In the blink of an eye, you will be wanting to downsize; the time has come to hold yourself accountable in all of this. It’s either you who will do it or your children will do it, so why not do it for them?

TAKE only what is really special to you, because the kids will most likely not change their minds and it will be sold off for pennies on the dollar, when it falls in the hands of your children.

TAKE photographs, because they take up less space but you still have the memory of the item(s).

TAKE into consideration that if your children say “no,” they don’t want these items. They really mean “no.”

TIPS: Don’t sell, give away, or donate anything until a professional has examined it. So many boomers throw away or give away personal possessions worth a small fortune, simply because they don’t know the values. Tell everyone “no” until the appraiser has reviewed everything. The cost to pay a personal property appraiser is nothing compared to the value you could find, not to mention the peace of mind it will give you!

KEEP the following:

Anything that can provide family history.
Family heirlooms if they are wanted and will be cherished. Don’t force heirlooms on the children if their hearts aren’t in it.
All items of perceived monetary value. Hire that appraiser to find out for sure!
Family photographs
Rare or unusual items (some antiques fall into this category). If someone has room for them and wants them, that’s fine. It’s okay to sell them if no one wants them.
Jewelry. Have items appraised first for fair market value, not replacement value.
Items with historic significance. You may donate if no family wants them.
Important documents. These must be kept together until they are all sorted through by the executor.
Collections (gold, coins, guns, stamps, etc.). Always have them evaluated by a professional. It is unusual to find appraisers for different specialty collections.
Antiques, artwork, paintings, sculpture. These must be evaluated by a professional.
Military items. These items are sought by collectors but may also be vital to family history.
Safes, safety deposit boxes, and their contents. Have a key or know where keys or passwords are located.
Anything you cannot identify. Have a professional look at it for you.

Don’t take things just to take them. Select a few sentimental items that are small enough for you to use or display in your home. Great family or marital strife can develop if you take too much. Remember, the more you take now, the more your children will have to deal with later.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Simple Yard Sale Becomes Eye-Opener

October 15, 2013 | Julie Hall

All of us can relate to the ever-growing piles of stuff in our homes and I am no exception. One day, you’re forced to do a double-take as you scan a room and realize, “Oh my, when did this happen?” It hit me a couple of months ago and I decided to gather it all up – all the stuff I’m not using or haven’t used in the last couple of years – and have a yard sale with a good friend of mine. Why not sell it at very reasonable prices to those who want it or need it, and make a little extra money while thinning out my home? It sounded like a win-win to me.

Most of you know I got my start as an estate liquidator and have been in this business well over 20 years, so this would be a slam dunk for a pro, right? My friend and I got together all kinds of goodies ranging from antiques and collectibles, to vintage items and some nice household items too. None of it was junk. Since both of us wanted to sell these items, we made sure these items were priced very reasonably. So reasonably, in fact, that you couldn’t even buy them new at Wal-Mart for the prices we set on clothes with tags still on them, kitchen ware, etc.

Since both of us know the industry well, we put on a great spread. The tables were perfectly lined up and the items were displayed nicely. So many unusual items that dealers would have loved to buy and resell on Ebay. The advertising went out flawlessly to 1,500 of my personal client emails, as well as the local newspaper and Craig’s List. Everything was set to go, or so we thought ….

Much to my surprise and chagrin, when we opened at exactly 7 am, only 9 people were in line. Only 9! I remember thinking how weird that was, justifying in my mind that attendees must be at other nearby sites and would come in flocks later on. As is the personality of a sale, people first come in droves, then a quiet and steady flow, then a little slower, then another wave. I could predict by looking at my watch when each phase would occur, just by observing the flow of people. It’s been this way my entire career … until today.

A few here, a few there. No major groupings of buyers. People trickled in all morning, but very few bought much; certainly not the frenzied energy of sales in the past. Something was very wrong and I tried to figure it out while sitting next to my friend. It was a drawn out, painful process, since we knew we had great items at great prices, did our due diligence with advertising, the location was desirable in my city. From running down the mental check list, everything was done correctly.

Suddenly my friend turned to me and said, “What’s going on, Julie? Something doesn’t feel right. Where is everyone? Why are they struggling to part with a dollar?” (A woman just bought a new shirt with the original price tag of $39.99; we sold it for $4 but she wouldn’t pay more than a dollar.) My friend and I just sat there, scratching our heads. It wasn’t our sale or the things we had. We did everything right, but what wasn’t right was the energy people brought into the sale. It was sad and low, and not the usual jovial energy these treasure hunters normally exuded.

You could tell the dealers were not there in large groups as usual, and the dealers who did come did not buy much because “we aren’t selling much.” I had seen it with my own eyes. After all these years, the economy, while appearing to hold on, was in deeper trouble than most realized.

You could see the worry and anxiety on everyone’s face and the struggle to part with just a little bit of money, even though they were getting great deals. There were a handful of buyers that were serious and clearly had the money to buy large quantities of items, but most could not.

People will always buy, and things will always sell, but just not for the prices they used to … at least not at the moment. As an intuitive individual, I am sensitive to others’ energy and I know that what I felt and experienced from them was real.

People are in real trouble out there.

Life always amazes me. You can go into something with a certain mindset, like having a simple yard sale for things you no longer need. You come out of it a kinder, more understanding person, because you had firsthand exposure to those less fortunate than yourself. I don’t know what will happen, but my prayer is for everyone, and for things to improve rapidly.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Guilt – The Gift That Keeps on Giving

September 18, 2013 | Julie Hall

Each day, I work closely with heirs attempting to deal with what their parents have left behind. Some parents leave more than others, and some downsize long before their time comes. Some are so attached to their possessions, they leave it all for their children to contend with. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear they use their possessions as an anchor to this world, not fully understanding that when you are called to enter the heavenly gates, you can’t take a thing with you. You leave this earth much as you entered it, and we didn’t bring one material possession when we arrived.

On a daily basis, I hear middle-aged children tell me their mother “would kill them” if they sold or gave her possessions away, or that mom “always told me how valuable it was and to never sell it,” or that “I had to pass this down to the kids or she’d roll in her grave.” They openly share with me that mother always stressed the importance of these things and they now feel badly, wanting to sell them.

Friends, this is what I call strategically applied guilt and I am offering you some helpful advice here with the hopes that you will read it, re-read it, and pass it along to those who need to read it!

Every “thing” has a season. That season of cherishing that item was during your mom’s lifetime, not necessarily yours. Free yourself and make peace with this.
You may need permission to let it go. Here it is: It’s OK to let go and let someone else derive pleasure from it. There’s no sense in the item collecting dust, being stacked in your attic, or wrapped up in old newspaper in a box where it has remained since 1977. Let it go!
No, the kids and grandkids really don’t want it, most of the time. Even if you have an idea in your head that they will want it in the future, most of the time they don’t. Ask them what they would like to keep now. If it’s not on their list, don’t force them to take it. All you are doing is “passing the buck” to the younger generation that has no tolerance for “stuff.” They prefer cash.
Why would you clutter up your house with someone else’s stuff? It’s not fair to you, your spouse, your children. Make a pact with yourself that you will sort through it in a timely manner … not years, but weeks. Hire an appraiser to uncover what has value so you can make sound decisions. Get the kids on board and set dates for them to come get what they want. If it is unclaimed, give it to a charity of choice; let it go to someone who will appreciate it. It really is simple — you just have to make up your mind to do it, and forgive yourself for anything you think you are doing incorrectly. Always look forward.
I’m sure they don’t care about their material possessions in heaven. Agree?
Relieve yourself and your children of guilt. Here’s how …

My mom gave me a great gift before she died (her death was not expected). She took me to the guest room closet which had several packing boxes stacked. She told me those boxes were filled with family photos. “When I die, Julie, just throw them away because they are photos of people I don’t even know; I will not give you the guilt my mother put on me.”

When mom died unexpectedly and I was in her home cleaning it out, I walked up to that closet and replayed that scene in my mind. I actually laughed out loud when I reached for the boxes, telling my brother what mom had told me. Even though we went through the boxes, she was right and I had no trouble letting go. I was incredibly grateful my mother gave me that “gift” and relieved me of that burden. That’s love!

It’s OK to feel a pang of uncertainty. It’s not OK to drag this stuff with you through life, allowing it to drag you down with it. It’s not right to place it all on your children. Learn from this painful experience.

‘Til Death Do Us Part

July 31, 2013 | Julie Hall

Most of us enjoy hearing those words during a wedding ceremony, where the new couple is floating in bliss and envision being by each other’s side until death separates them. From my perspective, however, I see people who have a very passionate relationship with their material possessions, sometimes more so than each other! If I didn’t know better, I would say they behave as if they can take their possessions with them when they leave this earth, but we know that we can’t take stuff with us.

I have seen it all. In all those years of estate work, I have tried to figure out why people have such a hard time “letting go.” Often, the Depression Era generation is the one that has accumulated the most, in my experience. Their parents did not have much and probably possessed more utilitarian items because of the era in which they lived. When their parents passed away, they did not distribute or sell those items … they absorbed them. The boomers have multiple generations of stuff to deal with when their Depression Era parents pass away.

Here are a few thoughts on why people hold on to so much:

You just never know when I’m going to need this.
There are so many things I could use this for.
If I hold onto it long enough, it will become valuable.
It is already old, so it must be valuable.
I did without as a child and I will not do without again.
It was a gift and I will honor the giver by keeping it.
The more I leave the kids, the more they will have.
I worked very hard for these things and I will pass them down.
They bring comfort and familiarity.
Sentimental reasons.
Too overwhelmed to let it go — emotional attachment.
I’ll let my kids deal with this after I’m gone.

As an appraiser of residential contents, this is the part where I try to put my clients at ease. When in doubt, always have the contents of an estate appraised prior to distributing or selling contents. Most times, the heirs are not surprised to learn that much of what mom and dad amassed doesn’t have much value. Some children feel that items might be “junk” and some pieces do turn out to have significant value, pleasantly surprising them. Family stories through the years can add to the anticipation that great-grandfather’s chair is more valuable because it is so old, but age is not the only factor of value. There are many more characteristics of value we look at to determine it’s worth.

Another important issue that the older generation should realize is that many of their heirs already have houses that are full of accumulation from 25+ years of marriage. Adding more stuff will only fuel marital strife. I’ve seen divorces happen over keeping too much stuff.

Some kids keep items to sell, others for sentimental reasons. others because they feel guilt because “mother would kill me if I didn’t keep this.” The younger generation appear to want nothing but cash assets. Even if your children do take a few items, their children definitely don’t want them now, and most likely will feel the same in the future. They are not interested in antiques or traditional possessions when they could take the cash and go to IKEA or Pottery Barn. This is the trend.

Holding on to possessions because you don’t want to let them go will leave a massive burden on your children. Gifting now and making plans for the distribution of your possessions while you are still here (and in control of those decisions) is the best plan of action. Take it from one who knows!

Helpful Websites to Sell Stuff

February 12, 2013 | Julie Hall

Coming home mid-day to grab a snack between appointments, I turned on the TV and Marie Osmond was doing a show on dealing with stuff and getting rid of things we didn’t necessarily think had value. Most of the time, I have to admit I quickly change the channel, because everyone and their brother is jumping on this bandwagon. However on this show, some helpful websites were offered that I wanted to share with you, if you didn’t see the show. I cannot vouch for any of them personally, but they might be worth looking into.

As with any selling endeavor, exercise caution and ask questions so you feel comfortable. I would check out reviews on these sites too.

www.Cash4books.net – Recent textbooks, literature, science, medicine, mystery, etc.

www.RapidRepair.com – Electronics; iPad, iPhone, iPods, Zune

www.UltimateBuyBack.com – DVD’s, CD’s, games

www.SwapMeSports.com – Buy, Trade, sell sports equipment

www.UsedInstrumentBuyer.com – Sell used instruments and gear

www.RecycleYourFashions.com – Sell designer, brand name clothing

www.GiftCardGranny.com – Buy discount gift cards or sell gift cards you’ve never used

www.ExchangeMyPhone.com – Sell your cell phones

www.Exboyfriendjewelry.com – Buy and sell jewelry

www.IdonowIdon’t.com – Wedding sets, other jewelry

He Who Hesitates Is Lost

September 17, 2012 | Julie Hall

There’s no doubt about it! The market is crazy, and in my opinion, predictable due to the economy. While mainstream media has us believing everything is getting better, some of us have an intuition that may not be the case.

Professionals in the field of personal property will tell you that the market is soft. Prospective buyers are buying, but at lower prices than most people want to accept or believe, and the pattern of what they are buying and for how much is shifting.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand the trends and feel what’s going on. Many families are making serious mistakes when it comes to handling an estate and its contents. Here are some examples of what I am seeing:

1. Many cannot bear to deal with the estate from an emotional perspective, or experiencing sibling challenges, or the executor is not doing their proper job. As a result, the estate “sits.” As I mentioned in an earlier blog, that home becomes a sitting duck and a welcome for thieves. Another downside is that the home itself decays. A home is a living, breathing thing and when no one lives in it, it begins to deteriorate very rapidly and invites unwanted guests such as critters, plumbing problems, electrical issues, flooding, etc. Next thing you know, the value of the home (and its contents) have also deteriorated. I see this every day.

2. Missed opportunity. Okay, so the market isn’t so great. But it might be better now than in the future. Since we don’t have a crystal ball, there is no way to know what the future holds, but it isn’t looking like “top dollar” is right around the corner. Some families are storing items, and in the long run, get tired of doing so and decide to sell at the wrong time! They are just tired of dealing with it and who can blame them for that?

It’s important to note that many people feel if you hold onto it long enough, the value will increase. They may think traditional dark furniture values will go back up, or depression glass will once again be en vogue. It could happen, but I wouldn’t hold my breath – at least for quite some time.

My advice? Hold on to precious metals and extremely rare items that are authenticated by professionals. Let the rest go and lighten up your life.

3. Do not adore family lore. Most of it is pieces of the truth that have been exaggerated through the years, though the stories are fascinating! Family lore has us believing many of these pieces are worth a fortune, and more often than not, this is not the reality of the situation.

What to do? Holding on to stuff is eventually going to be like holding on to a cactus … very uncomfortable. It has a tendency to squeeze us into discomfort, cause family or marital strife, financial strife, family squabbles, etc. The solution is easier than you think … just let go! Your loved one’s memory is in your heart and mind, not in the things that weigh you down in life. Your loved one would never want that for you.