In Pursuit of Good

May 22, 2015 | Julie Hall

Anything Less is Counter-productive

The world is full of good people with wonderful intentions. The world is also full of bad people with evil intentions. My past week has been filled with: “he said/she said”, “You won’t believe this”, or “Why are they bashing people like this?” It was an exhausting week, and I feel drained of energy to do my creative work. My good work. The work I was put here for.

So, I sat back and watched things unfold before me. What I saw was very sad. Sad for me, sad for others who did nothing wrong, sad for everything that transpired. I witnessed people losing themselves and imploding. People were spending so much time attaching and hurting one another, often behind their backs, and spending very little time in the pursuit of something productive, something good.

I really examined the situation as objectively as I could, and came to the healthy conclusion that I would much rather spend my time, energy, and life using my gifts to:

create,
be the best I can be,
touch others’ lives in a positive light, and
uplift instead of ripping down.

It takes much more energy to hurt then it does to heal!

Why spend all of that time attacking and hurting others, when turning the other cheek (if possible), ignoring (if possible), or doing something for the betterment of others not only helps and improves the situation, it is also good and right. I am not suggesting it is alright to be a doormat. It is good to stand up for yourself in a professional manner.

Taking the high road is the road less traveled.

It is lonely and frightening at times, but does not go unnoticed and has its own rewards.

It is also easier said than done.

Here’s the point. If you get sucked into the poop storm, the only thing that will fly will be poop. It won’t do you any good, nor your spirit or overall well-being. Nothing good can come of it. Step out of the storm. Always, always take the high road as often as you can. While it can cause personal pain — we do take things personally — eventually the storm will dissipate and you will find a sense of happiness that comes with your good decisions.

We cannot control others. We can only control how we handle what others do to us. Call on friends for support, prayer, venting, etc. Look towards a positive solution. This too shall pass!

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Fighting Over the Same Heirloom

April 3, 2015 | Julie Hall

Problem: Two of my siblings are fighting over the same heirloom. How do you divide and keep it fair?

SOLUTION: When two or more are arguing over the same item(s), you have a few options. Beware, not all options will meet with approval. Begin by getting a personal property appraisal on the items that the heirs desire, including the items that are the subject of the fighting. This objective, third-party person will assign values that are fair, since they have no interest in the items.

Try to keep everything as equitable as possible to keep the peace! This also depends on what the will/trust specifies. If Sue gets a $5,000 item and Barbara gets a $200 item, that is not equitable. Arrangements must be made, whether in cash assets or other items, to make up for that $4,800 deficit.

One sibling can offer to buy the item from the others and take it out of their inheritance, if there is one. The price would be based on the appraised value.
If this item has significantly more value than other items in the estate, then that one choice will have to suffice until others get their pick of items and arrive at the approximate value.
If two people want a china set or silver flatware service, can it be divided? Sure, but know that from the perspective of an estate expert, it is not advisable. If this set were to be sold one day, it would be worth more to a collector/buyer if the set were intact and complete.
One heir simply “turns the other cheek” and forfeits to the other.
The two can write up an agreement and share the item, if it is practical to share. However, this only postpones that inevitable decision later in life. When the siblings die, the buck has been passed to their children to contend with the same issue.
If no one can agree and no one is willing to give in, the executor should consider selling the item through an appropriate selling venue and split the profits between all the heirs. Yes, the siblings will be upset, but that is more acceptable than resenting each other for the rest of their lives. If they remain in a tug-of-war, no solution provided is going to work.
What would mom or dad want? Would they approve of this tension? In most cases, the answer is a resounding NO. They would be disappointed. They trusted you to make decisions that they probably should have made when they were alive, but for whatever reason, they didn’t. You can’t go back; you can only go forward. Go forward, knowing what your parents would have wanted, and be fair to each other.
If nothing else works, you could always flip a coin and let the odds decide for you.

Realize that these situations can be highly charged with tension and emotion. Everyone is not going to be happy 100% of the time. There are very few instances where everything comes out flawless. Spare the relationships by keeping the peace.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

“Swim to the Ladder!

March 19, 2015 | Julie Hall

AN IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON

At six years old, my only experience with swimming was at the local county pool in the kiddie side, not in the deep end where all the big kids played. I loved the water and mom always had trouble getting me out, until one day, fate had another plan for me.

We went to visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins who had a second home on the water. Uncle Joe enjoyed clamming so we ventured out to get some clams for dinner. After we drove the boat to a favorite spot, the adults went clamming. Some of the kids paddled around in the water, including me, bobbing up and down in the Atlantic. I always wore my life jacket, and adults were within arms’ length.

When we were all back in the boat toweling off, Uncle Joe asked me if I knew how to swim. “Not really,” I said, “but I can dog paddle a little.” In front of my protective mom, he unclasped my life jacket, picked me up, and tossed me into the ocean with incredible strength. It felt like he threw me far away from the boat; in reality, it may have been 12 feet.

Amid my own panic, I could hear my mother vocally upset with Uncle Joe, screeching, “Dear God, Joe, what have you done? She can’t swim!” The boat seemed so far away and I was already swallowing plenty of salt water, thrashing about and tired. I still remember vividly this terrifying experience. My little legs moved very fast to keep my head above water.

He stopped my mother from jumping overboard and said, “Watch what she’s going to do. Trust her.”

Uncle Joe: “Julie, swim to the ladder on the side of the boat.”

Julie: “I can’t. It’s too far!”

Uncle Joe: “Swim to the ladder; you’re closer than you think.”

Julie: “I can’t. Someone help me! (cough, cough)”

Uncle Joe: “You can do it on your own. Use your arms and legs. Swim to the ladder.”

Mom was still hassling Uncle Joe and he kept telling her, “Watch what she’s going to do. She knows what to do instinctively.“

Finally, I made it to the infamous ladder. Waterlogged, ticked off beyond comfort, and angry at Uncle Joe, I didn’t speak to him for the remainder of the trip. I had swallowed enough of the Atlantic to last a lifetime. Why couldn’t he have just taken me in the water, like my dad did, and slowly guide me to the boat by the hand? WHY such a harsh manner of teaching?

Hmmm. Let’s consider this for a moment. Sometimes we all need to be thrown in and “awakened.”

He said, “Watch her. Trust her.”

“You’re closer than you think.”

“You know what to do; swim to the ladder!”

He trusted me, my instinct, my ability; he taught me that I can do it. I was so scared in the water, crying and yelling at the same time, really believing I was going to drown. But instead, I made it to the ladder because of what he was saying to me.

All of us need to remember that no matter what ladder we are swimming toward, we will make it if we keep trying and don’t give up on ourselves and the loved ones who help us along the way.

Whether you are starting a new company, handling a challenging estate, dealing with an illness, living through difficult circumstances, etc., my wish for you is that you have someone like Uncle Joe, who is on the sideline cheering you on.

I couldn’t stay mad at Uncle Joe for very long. He must have seen a tenacity in me, even at a young age, and believed anything is possible. And it is!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Scoundrels and Schemers

March 13, 2015 | Julie Hall

Louise was a wealthy woman in her advanced stages of a terminal illness, was blind, completely deaf, and in her final stage of dementia. She could no longer communicate and decisions were being made for her by an old friend she trusted. Louise had never married and had no children, but did have four beneficiaries to her estate. All four really loved her and provided the very best care for her in a beautiful health center for the remainder of her days.

One of Louise’s passions in life was purchasing fine diamonds; she had several pieces that were very large and easily worth in the six-figure range. Everyday, she wore them because she loved them. Louise bathed in them, napped in them, slept in them, and ate in them.

The beneficiaries started to grow concerned about these pieces of jewelry Louise wore on her person, for a number of reasons.

Most people don’t even have pieces as valuable as these, and if they did, the pieces would be kept in a safe, vault, or safe deposit box.
The beneficiaries did the right thing in requesting the rings be removed while Louise was napping, to have the genuine diamonds replaced with less expensive stones, in the event something should happen to the rings.
The genuine diamonds would then have been turned over to the trustee of the estate and secured. Who could possibly blame them for wanting the diamonds protected?

Unfortunately, the decision-maker overseeing Louise’s assets insisted that Louise should continue to wear those massive stones against everyone’s advice.

One day, less than 2 weeks after this request to have each diamond removed and replaced with cubic zirconia, the massive diamond pieces Louise was wearing disappeared. Not only did these pieces disappear, but a video camera, some CDs and a crock put vanished as well from Louise’s home. This was a clear indication to the family that the caregiver, sitter, or someone else who had very close contact with her, had made off with the goods. The beneficiaries were beside themselves.

Why didn’t anyone prevent this from happening?

Why didn’t anyone listen to their request?

With all the questions and accusations that flew, the damage was done. The diamonds were gone, never to be found again, probably sold at a pawn shop for a few thousand dollars and currently sitting in someone’s safe as their own retirement investment.

It is simply up to us, the chosen decision-makers,

to make the correct decisions to care for and

protect our loved ones (and their assets)

who cannot make decisions for themselves.

This story clearly demonstrates that we must exercise extreme caution with valuables. Remember to have them evaluated by a professional, have those values documented, and keep them in a safe place until they are either distributed to family or sold. The faces of exploitation are often familiar faces and not necessarily a stranger.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

The Progressive Journey

March 5, 2015 | Julie Hall

Sitting and writing in my office, I am treated to a few, rare and quiet moments. The sound of silence bothers some people, but I rather like it. It allows me to think and listen to my own inner guidance. Today, I’d like to share some thoughts with you about the past, present, and future. This thing called life is really quite amazing, especially when you glance in the rear-view mirror.

Sometimes the past is not such an easy place to visit. Personally, I only go there long enough to learn from or remember the good, and how that good has sculpted me into the human being I turned out to be. True, you shouldn’t go backwards, but there are times it is necessary for growth. My mind ventures back to my long-ago, taken there as I sort through decades of my parents’ photographs throughout our lives. With a smile, I am reminded what a good life I have had and continue to have; though, none of us can claim life was perfect.

This is the past and I wouldn’t trade it,

even if I could turn the clock back.

It is the foundation of who we are and how we came to be.

Few of us are fortunate enough to love our chosen work, but I live and breathe mine. Serving others with skills I have accrued through decades of experience, feeling others’ pain and solving estate problems has enabled me to serve, guide, and help people. As a result, I sleep very well at night. However, the thought occurred to me that I didn’t get here quickly, and I certainly didn’t get here by myself. Sometimes we unintentionally take things like this for-granted.

When I go back to where my real journey began as a young adult, I am suddenly reminded of all the kind, giving, creative, helpful, odd, patient, gentle, appreciative, harsh, happy, and sad people who have crossed my path and helped me along the way. It takes all kinds. Some were incredible teachers, both good and bad. Some made me laugh until my ribs hurt. Some inflicted great pain. Some taught me what real suffering is, and others taught me how blessed I am. But all of them were teachers. We are teachers, too.

We are never alone and never on this journey without purpose.

While we may not necessarily understand what the purpose is, we need to move in a forward motion, lest we get “stuck.” Each experience seems to be a stepping stone to another place, another direction, and then our purpose(s) may be revealed. We get to choose that place and direction, and hopefully, we choose wisely.

This is where we are.

The choices we make here in our present

will have an impact on our future and our loved ones’ futures.

We are all connected.

As for the future, it is not yet written. Like an artist standing in front of a blank canvas, we can (with some luck and strong faith) create something really good. But, it is unknown and most people find that a little scary.

I don’t know anything about the future, but I do know that, in getting there, we can’t keep looking in the rear-view mirror. If we do that, we will not move forward and fulfill what we are here to do.

We should use all that we learned in the past, and here in the present, to help create a better future for ourselves, albeit unknown. We also need to be extraordinary teachers, all of us.

I am reminded of a thought-provoking snippet from a famous quote of Captain James T. Kirk from the original Star Trek series:

It has an exciting ring to it, don’t you think?

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Stretched to the Limit

February 27, 2015 | Julie Hall

KNOW THE FEELING?

It’s not difficult to look around and see that many of us are surviving by the skin of our teeth. There just aren’t enough hours in the day. Life is much more challenging in many aspects than it used to be, yet somehow we all seem to think it’s easier with our electronic gadgets close in-hand.

With the onset of technology, such as smart homes, smart electronics, iPhones, latest and greatest cars, etc., shouldn’t our lives be easier? The cars are getting to the point of not even needing a driver (sooner than you think), our appliances do all the work for us, and our social media makes the world a much smaller place. So why aren’t we more rested?

These things enable us to do more in a given day, but our days are just getting busier, not easier. Because gadgets break and malfunction, dishes still need to be put in cabinets when clean, and human interaction and input is required at every turn, it’s no wonder we are exhausted, distracted, and as a result, sometimes unproductive. But, we still beat ourselves up because we aren’t accomplishing enough! That’s a tiring cycle too!

I have my theories that many of us have become “attached” in some way to the craziness. My own teenage daughter nearly floored me the other day by simply announcing,

“I wish I grew up in your day, mom, when things were simpler. Technology has made life much harder. We don’t even have books anymore; most of my “books” are online. I don’t like that.”

Imagine that coming from a young adult! I explained that every generation meets with it’s own challenges and difficulties. We had trouble back in the day, as well, but not like today where we are all traveling at warp speed, breaking our necks to get things done in a tizzy, and often the quality lacks because we aren’t taking our time to perfect anything. What a shame!

Maybe I am slowing down a little because I am aging a bit.

Maybe I am slowing down to recharge my batteries.

It has become painfully clear to me, and even in watching some of my family, friends, and clients, that we are all carrying heavy bags, uphill, every day. It seems most of the actions and decisions we make are often driven by money, because money is important in this life; we have to make money to pay bills, our debts, etc.

But at the end of the day, or when we are in the car driving, do we really have to check our texts, as though the world would stop if we didn’t respond? Can we just enjoy some music or our own thoughts for a little while? Unplugging for a little time each day may be a very good thing.

We deserve a rest.

It took me awhile, but I have made a decision that was not easy to come by; I’m not checking the phone past 5:00 pm. unless it is urgent. I will continue to help as many as I can during the day, while in the office, from the office phone and email, out in the field, etc., which I am always happy to do. But my spirit ( and I am betting, yours) is in need of a bit of renewal and restoration.

No one will give me a break, but me!

I guess I better start with the lady in the mirror.

How about you?

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

The Plan

February 5, 2015 | Julie Hall

Recently, my teenage daughter and I attended a women’s self-defense course. It wasn’t your typical “stomp on the foot and run away” class; I knew it would be considerably more hands-on and intense. My daughter dragged her feet, doing everything possible to delay getting in the car and going to the class with old mom. She eventually went along, not fully understanding at her young age, the necessity of planning ahead.

Once the class began, she sat completely engaged by the middle-aged police captain, who specialized in transporting the most heinous jailed criminals from state to state. He was there, he said, to tell us what the criminals have shared with him over 30 years of serving, so we could learn to protect ourselves from them. Much to my surprise, my daughter “volunteered” to be his victim for the evening. There she was, upfront where all could see, feeling a little unsure of herself. When the hands-on, self-defense demonstrations began, it was like watching a Kung Fu movie. She instinctively knew what to do, and he taught us some very fine points we had never heard of. Now, we have a plan.

Through the years, I had taught her what I knew about being aware, walking with confidence, and if she senses danger, run like heck. I would sit her down and have discussions about how we worry about her, and that she must learn ahead of time to be independent. The world can be a harsh and dark place, I said, but she didn’t want to hear it. Long story short, the police captain congratulated me for teaching her well and not sheltering her. Those who are sheltered, who have their heads in the sand and don’t reach out to gain knowledge, won’t make it in a moment of crisis. The last thing I would ever want to do is send her out there UNPREPARED.

That got me thinking. My work in the estate industry is really no different from this captain teaching people how to defend themselves. He is simply teaching them to:

PLAN AHEAD, and
BE PREPARED.

I do the same thing with my work, experience, knowledge, and foresight about what will happen with families if there is no plan, no will or trust, no advanced directives/living will, no guidance for the children.

If we don’t have any self-defense training, we will be left vulnerable, feeling frightened, and having absolutely no direction if a serious crisis occurs. We would surely kick ourselves if something did happen and we “could’ve, should’ve, would’ve.” By then, it’s too late!

The same is true for an estate. The family is left wide open to bad stuff and messy obstacles, because mom and dad didn’t plan ahead. It throws everything into crisis mode; pain will only bring angst, regret, pain,and anger. What a bad way to do things! Formulate “THE PLAN” for you and your spouse, help your parents get their plan together, and discuss the plan with your own children and beneficiaries.

The problems always start when you are not looking, just like a distracted woman walking along a dark parking lot late at night, texting. She becomes a target. The way to NOT become a target in the estate world is to talk, TALK, TALK until all the details are ironed out ahead of time.

People email me from all over the world, saying, “Dad refuses to discuss it” or “Mom is going to do what Dad says.”

SOLUTION: Be sure they understand that if they insist on not making decisions themselves, decisions will be made for them, and those decisions will most likely NOT be decisions they would have made for themselves, placing extraordinary burdens on their children.

NOT discussing these issues is foolhardy. Not planning ahead is almost unforgivable based on what I see each day. This is their opportunity to tell you what they want and back it up with legal documents.

Refusing to discuss THE PLAN makes their own future uncertain and unpredictable; they open themselves to all kinds of potential events that could have negative impact on them and their care.

Just like women in self-defense class … with the right plan and preparation, you will not fail when “that” time comes!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen

January 29, 2015 | Julie Hall

Living in an ever-changing world, I have concerns about the industry I love so much. It has so many excellent qualities:

helping others during very challenging times,
serving the community in a positive way,
making a difference in the lives of those who are suffering,
offering a skill set not many people have,
guiding people towards trusted resolutions, to name a few.

But as with everything else in life, it has changes too. You’ve got the good in the industry and the not-so-good. While I have tremendous respect for my colleagues, and they have respect for me, there are many “Estate Experts” that are suddenly popping up in the marketplace. I need this blog to circulate and help guide people away from these pop-up companies who claim to be experts, and are no such thing!

I am in a unique position, receiving close to 1,000 emails a week regarding the industry, sad stories, and complaints against companies I have never heard of and neither has anyone else. Having written books and many articles, people gravitate towards me for answers. I am all too happy to provide answers, as long as they can handle the truth.

Friends, you must be careful out there! There is good and bad in every aspect of life; that includes all occupations, mine included.

Do not be fooled by fancy talk, or a “friend of a friend” who will give you a discount. Talk is cheap. A professional turns it all into action and gets it done correctly.
Don’t be persuaded to use someone whose commission is lower than a true professional. You often get what you pay for.
Don’t feel compelled to use Aunt Martha’s cousin’s brother who “dabbles” in antiques. They will not know how to maximize the proceeds, in your best interest.
Don’t just call someone out of the yellow pages or internet. Know what you have, then find a way to sell using the best possible option for your possessions.
Don’t take the easy or cheap way because it will BOOMERANG and bite you in the rear.
Don’t pile up your great grandmother’s estate jewelry and take it to just any jeweler on the corner. Why would you sell yourself short, when there are professionals who know what they are doing and will compare, communicate, negotiate, and sell it for the highest $$.
Don’t give away or throw away anything until a REAL professional walks through your door and advises you on your possessions. Knowledge is power. Know the facts.
Beware of “Cash Paid” advertisements. Know who you are dealing with, or you may get low-ball offers.
Beware of searching on the internet, unless you know exactly the right way to search. Know what an item actually sells for, not asking prices.
Before any property leaves your home/estate, RESEARCH and make sure you have done your due diligence in finding a reputable company to help you and guide you.
Ask for references, credentials, memberships, etc. Then, CHECK them.
Beware of negative online complaints. Yes, some are justified, but others are not. Sometimes an upset client can post a negative comment because an item didn’t sell for as much as they expected. That isn’t fair to mar a liquidator’s reputation.
Finally, don’t ignore your instinct. It’s a powerful tool that tells you when something is good or amiss.

These tips are among the best advice I could ever offer. They come with decades of experience and a heavy heart for those who have been taken advantage of.

Remember that the majority of estate liquidators are very good at what they do, have a deep passion for the industry, and help clients move forward with their lives.

It only takes one bad apple to soil the bunch. If you are careful, you’ll choose the best fit for you!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Lesson in Humility

December 18, 2014 | Julie Hall

He never gave me his name but he left many, many slurred voice mail messages on my personal cell phone. He sounded weary and my initial gut reaction was that something wasn’t right. I called back to politely tell him that I am not “Chas” and that he had the wrong number, but the calls persisted. I called back again to remind him gently that I am not “Chas.” All I understood was that he didn’t know how to delete my number and could I help him. Unable to do so, I maintained a kind voice and stretched the patience for this bizarre situation.

One day, I called back again, but his son answered the phone long enough to tell me his father was crazy and to ignore his calls. The son sounded like a jerk. My heart sank a little more for this unfortunate father.

The calls persevered. Normally in a situation like that, my temper would probably get the best of me eventually. Again, my heart told me something wasn’t right; perhaps it was dementia or another neurological challenge. He called multiple times a day and, when I answered it, I would just tell this man that I wasn’t who he was looking for. It was beginning to feel like a scene from the movie Groundhog Day where Bill Murray kept repeating the same day over and over again.

One day, I turned off my phone when I was out with my family. Later that night, I checked my messages. What I heard released a few tears and a humble heart for all that I am and all that I have. Though the words were slurred, this is what I could understand:

Hello, Lady. I know I call you all the time but don’t mean to. I have a problem. I have many, many problems and I just don’t know what to do. I am trying to find Chas but all I get is you, and I keep bugging you because I don’t know how to delete you from this phone. I can’t remember things. I’ve been diagnosed with (couldn’t make out what he said) and at least my legs work … sometimes they work and I am just so grateful for that. Yes I am. Thank the Lord for that. I’m a vet. I’m a good guy. You’re such a nice lady and I feel bad that I keep calling but you’ve been so nice to me. A lot of people wouldn’t be so nice. Thank you too. I’ll try not to call anymore. Good bye.

In a rush of thoughts, I saw a man on medications, hurt, lonely, and with a son who’s a jerk. But the thought that overpowered the rest was as simple as a thought could be … I tried to be kind and very grateful that I didn’t sling any of my bad day onto him like most people would. We’re all guilty of it from time to time. I was so grateful that he thought the lady’s voice on the other end of the phone was kind.

Such a simple thing to do, and yet he was thankful for it, like I had somehow offered him a present. You never know what’s really happening on the other side of the phone line, the other side of the door, the other side of the counter. That must be where the Native American proverb comes from …

Never criticize a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.

From that perspective, my shoes (and good, strong legs) are looking pretty good right now.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

September 19, 2014 | Julie Hall

Sitting here with my morning coffee, I can hardly see the computer screen through my tears. I have gone from soft, silent crying to full force, hurting-my-gut weeping. My beloved “Tommy” is by my side and he is dying; I know you understand when I say it is killing a part of me too.

My head turns to the right to look outside my breakfast room windows and see the beautiful woods and birds at the feeders. The hummingbirds are active too, defending their feeding territories, preparing for their long journey before winter arrives. My head turns to the left and I see my beautiful cat of 12 years, my sweet buddy, who has heart failure and is declining rapidly. It happened so fast. Right now, he is a lump in the softest pile of blankets I could find.

I am very good at care-giving, making people and pets comfortable, but I cannot fix this. I cannot fix his heart or bring his vitality back, neither his playfulness or fun spirit. Right now it feels like he has a foot in both worlds and we are forced to say goodbye, either through God’s will or ours, very soon. I’m afraid I’m not very good at saying goodbyes. Lately, it seems I am saying goodbye far more than I’m saying hello.

One might wonder how a little cat could bring a strong woman to her knees emotionally. At the time Tommy came into our lives, I was a single mom and working very hard. One day I was outside gardening and I heard the tiniest cry coming from the woods. It wasn’t a bird, so I had to go investigate. What if some little creature was in trouble?

Finally, I saw him among the leaves and twigs; a tiny little fur ball no bigger than my palm and not old enough to be weaned. I watched for a long time to see if mom would appear, but something must have happened to the mother or she abandoned her kittens. Tommy had crawled through a large patch of woods where I found him, hungry and scared. Certain death would have been his fate with birds of prey and other critters around here. The decision had already been made. With one swoop of my arm, I scooped him up and put him on my chest; when he started purring, he owned my heart.

From that moment to this, he has proven himself to be the coolest cat in the world. He comes when you call him, plays with you, nuzzles you, and will do anything for a scratch under the chin. Very loving, very sweet-natured. Now, he is at the end of his life, and I discovered last night that his diagnosis is exactly what my mom died from. I was helpless then and I am helpless now. The drugs help with breathing, but there is no quality of life. I know what must be done but it is ripping me apart. The vet said he is not yet in any discomfort and I don’t want that to happen.

Two days ago, Tommy came into the kitchen where I was checking emails on my laptop. In a manner very uncharacteristic of him, he stood up on his hind legs, reached his paw as high as that paw could go, and tapped me on the chest. I looked down into those bright green eyes; it was as if he was trying to tell me something. Something I didn’t want to hear.

Just this minute, I let out a whimper as I wrote that last line and blew my nose. Tommy got up from his pile of blankets and is sitting right next to me. He just reached up and tapped me again with the same paw, wanting to be picked up. He’s trying to say he loves me; he has succeeded. I whispered “I love you too, buddy” in his ear. He wanted me to swoop him up in my arms once again and put him on my chest, just like I did in the woods so many years ago when he was lost.

You just never know how or when paths may cross to change your life forever.

I must end this blog now, because this purring embrace with him is too precious.

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