estate dissolution

She was Having a Bad Heir Day

| Julie Hall

Joann and her brother were co-executors of their mother’s estate.  One day, she decided she didn’t like how her brother was acting regarding the division of mom’s property.  So she did what many heirs have done … however unthinkable it was … she asserted control over the issue in a not-so-nice manner.

I think you will agree she went about it all wrong!  After I completed a consultation with her, she immediately called a locksmith and had all the locks changed so no one could get in the house but her.  “My brother is not going to get the things he wants.  He has ticked me off one time too many.  I’ll show him … I’m going to get them before he does,” were her exact words.  I hope my jaw didn’t drop too much.

Just when you think you’ve heard it all, she proceeds to move all the heirlooms out of mom’s house without notifying her brother of anything, and has them delivered to her storage unit.

This is the perfect example of how NOT to handle an estate unless you want to drain your finances for legal fees.  Despite my repeated attempts to talk with her and offer her some sound advice, it fell on deaf ears.  To me, it is complete disrespect for the loved one who has died, but this happens more frequently than even I care to admit.  Scary, but very true.

© 2011 Julie Hall

What should I keep when cleaning out Dad’s house?

| Julie Hall

Don’t sell, give away, or donate anything until a professional has looked at it.  So many Boomers throw away or give away personal possessions worth a fortune, simply because they don’t know the values.  Tell everyone “no” until the appraiser has reviewed everything.  The cost to pay a personal property appraiser is nothing compared to what you could find, not to mention the peace of mind it will offer you!

Keep the following:

  • Anything that can provide family history.
  • Family heirlooms if they are wanted and will be cherished.  Don’t force heirlooms on the children if their hearts aren’t in it.
  • Evaluate all items of perceived monetary value (hire that appraiser).
  • Some family photographs.
  • Items that are rare or unusual (some antiques fall into this category) IF someone has room for them and wants them.  It’s ok to sell if no one wants them.
  • Jewelry — have it appraised first.
  • Items with historic significance — may donate if no family member wants them.
  • Important documents must be kept together until they are all sorted through by the executor.
  • Collections: gold, coins, guns, stamps, etc.  Always have them evaluated by a professional.
  • Antiques, artwork, paintings, sculpture — must be evaluated by a professional.
  • Military items.  Not only are these items sought after by collectors but may also be vital to family history.
  • Safes, safety deposit boxes, and their contents. 
  • Anything you cannot identify.

Don’t take things just to take them.  Select a few sentimental items that are small enough for you to use or display in your home.  Great family and marital strife can develop if you take too much.  Remember, the more you take now, the more your children will have to deal with later.

© 2010 Julie Hall

“Can an Executor Change the Locks?”

| Julie Hall

Q:  I am the executor for my mother, who just passed away.  She is our last parent to die, and now her house and garage will be unprotected.  I don’t know who has keys to her house, since she had some caregivers towards the end of her life.  Is it ok for me to change the locks?

A:  If you are the executor of your mother’s estate, you have a responsibility to protect all she owned until decisions can be made about dividing and disposing of her personal property.

The first step would be to retrieve all the keys to your parents’ home.  Since this is not possible with the uncertainty of who might have keys,  start with a clean slate.  Change the locks with everyone’s knowledge.  What a small price to pay for peace of mind.

No one should remove anything from the house immediately after a parent’s death.  This is common, yet it is a huge mistake that families make.  No one issue causes as much disturbance among the children and heirs: knowing that one child took a collection of stuff away and the rest don’t know the real value, nor the extent of the collection.

On the other hand, the executor has the responsibility for safekeeping the assets, and a death will often signal a vacant house to a thief who might be watching the neighborhood.  Depending on the valuables in your mother’s house, you may find the need to remove items of value, such as jewelry, sterling silver, personal legal papers, insurance documents, and anything else of significant value.

If you do remove any items for security reasons, document who has the items and where they are.  Make sure that every heir knows where the items are, and that this is a temporary home for these items.  Try to keep the items local, so they can be present and accounted for during the division of property.

The more timely the division of personal property with your siblings, the less worry you will have about burglary.  Draw the curtains and blinds every time you leave the home, and have a lamp timer to come on in a couple of rooms in the house.  Remember to leave the air-conditioning on.  Nothing is worse than turning off the utilities and coming back to a house which smells of mildew and has visible mold.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Grief Needs a Shoulder to Lean On

| Julie Hall

Let me offer some compassionate support for those who are going through grief over the loss of a parent.  Having to handle all the details of a funeral and the liquidation of your parents’ estate ranks high on the lists of stressors that can wreak havoc emotionally.

You and your siblings really need a lot of shoulders to lean on during this time.  This is the time to make withdrawals from your emotional bank accounts of close friends.  If you are active in a church or synagogue, let your pastor or rabbi know what you’re going through, and be open to any acts of kindness from your congregation.

Grief can bring with it the symptoms of clinical depression, yet you’ll feel as if you have to be the strong one for the sake of your family.  It’s not a sign of weakness to meet with a counselor and unload what’s happening during this stressful time. 

With nearly every client, I’ve found myself holding the hand of an angry, heartbroken, grieving son or daughter.  Many are in a very vulnerable state, feeling angry and lashing out because of all the decisions that their parents did not take care of while they were alive.  Then their anger turns to guilt because their parents are no longer here, and they feel guilty because they feel angry.

You really do have to be strong and think straight as you go through your parents’ home for the last time, so take advantage of resources — personal and professional — that can help you cope with the sadness and stress.

Keep in mind: you don’t have to go through this alone.  There is reliable and trustworthy help that can make this painful experience go smoothly.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Places to Find Hidden Treasure

| Julie Hall

Many older people have a long-term distrust of banks and often hide their valuables in the strangest places.  If your parents are European immigrants, they have an even greater tendency to do this, and if either parent has dementia or Alzheimer’s, they likely have hidden things and forgot about them.

Many seniors hide money and valuables that often go unnoticed in the liquidation of their estates.  Here are the most common places where these valuables may exist:

  • Clothing and shoes — especially breast pockets in a man’s suit coat, under an insert in the sole of a shoe, wrapped in socks or underwear, bra cups.
  • Drapery hems — a favorite hiding place for small jewelry or coins
  • Canister sets — rare coins or jewelry in the flour or sugar canister and sometimes in cookie tins
  • Books — paper money slid between the pages of a book
  • Ice cube trays — a favorite place for small jewelry or gemstones
  • Toilet tank — another place for jewelry
  • Duct tape — money or jewelry wrapped tightly in a wadded ball
  • Picture frames — between the picture and the mat or backing material
  • Attic rafters — favorite place for coins, jewelry, and antiques

You’ll need to use some detective skills to be sure that when you liquidate their home and estate, you don’t leave anything valuable behind.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Family Secrets

| Julie Hall

Sometimes, clearing out a family home will uncover things you never knew about a loved one.  I recall one home I was called to clear out; we found written evidence that the father had an affair way back in the 1940s.  This sort of information should be handled with kid gloves.  The best advice is to dispose of any such thing, while you are alive, that may cause great pain to loved ones, if they should find it after you’re gone . . . because someone will find it.

As you walk through your loved one’s home, you may find evidence that one of your parents had an illicit relationship, a secret habit, a child borne out of wedlock, something illegal, etc.  You may discover that your father hadn’t filed tax returns for several years, or that your mom had given up a child for adoption when she was seventeen.  In other words, you may discover things about one of your parents that no one knew and that would bring embarrassment if their secret got out.  What would you do?

If you discover something unsavory or unflattering about your parents or a loved one, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does what I found offer absolute proof or only raise suspicions?
  • Would what I found be considered evidence for any unsolved crime?
  • If the information became public, would it implicate someone outside the family?
  • Does anyone else have the right to know something my mother or father wanted to be kept secret?
  • Will I be affected emotionally or spiritually trying to keep something secret from my siblings?
  • If my mother or father went to great lengths to keep this secret, should I tell it? (Think long and hard before you respond.)

The answers aren’t always clear and often there are gray areas.  It is important to realize that everyone reading this will have a different opinion as to how to handle these matters.  Always use your best instinct.  When in doubt, seek outside counsel to help with the issue at hand.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Sneak Peek: Practical Wisdom

| Julie Hall

Over the next couple of weeks,  I want to give you a taste of the practical wisdom I have poured into my latest book.  The title is “A Boomer’s Guide to Cleaning Out Your Parents’ Estate in 30 Days or Less.”  I definitely believe this is a realistic time frame, although many boomers spend years struggling with this process.  Sometimes they move the parents’ belongings to expensive storage buildings, while they fight or avoid dealing with the stuff.  It doesn’t have to be that painful or protracted; the estate can be cleared out in a deliberate and decisive way.  It can be done with this guide.

This is a practical workbook that you can take along in your briefcase or pocketbook, and check off completed items, make personal notes, fill in worksheets.

Here’s a taste of what to expect, except in my book there is room for notes and there are boxes beside each item to check when complete.

WHAT TO DO IMMEDIATELY WHEN MOM OR DAD HAVE PASSED AND THE ESTATE REMAINS

The executor has a responsibility to protect all that the parents owned until all decisions have been made about the proper distribution and dissolution methods.  The following are important, critical first steps to be taken by the executor or estate attorney in order to properly protect and prepare the estate on behalf of the deceased parents.

  • Collect keys / change residential and other property locks (no exceptions)
  • New master keys to be in the executor’s and/or estate attorney’s possession only
  • Notify heirs and family members that locks have been changed for security reasons
  • Remove valuables (should only be done by the executor or executrix) including: (see my book for the specifics)
  • Notify heirs and family members that removal of valuables is temporary only until the estate is settled
  • Prepare a list of all valuables to be kept in executor’s or estate attorney’s file for documentation
  • Hire a professional appraiser to assess all valuables

This represents only a third of the material I’ve given in my book for this one list alone.  If you’d like to read more, you can get a copy of my book by clicking on the link at the right of this blog.  Another sample of my book next week!

© 2010 Julie Hall

Three More Important Tips for Personal Property

| Julie Hall

We’re continuing our discussion of important tips for dealing with personal property in an estate.  Here are the final three tips:

3.  Just because it is old doesn’t mean it is valuable.  This is my personal mantra.  Each day, I must face clients and report the truth based on facts.  Depression glass may have been the rage 12 years ago, but today the market is pretty flat, much like the beloved Hummel figurines of mother’s day.  It’s important to understand the distinction between monetary and sentimental value.  If great-grandfather made it in 1865, it is certainly old and very special to us.  This, however, does not indicate or equate to significant monetary value.  It does hold value in the heart, though.

4.  PLEASE hire a professional before you have a yard sale on your own.  In my career, I have seen things thrown in the trash, dumpsters, yard sales, etc. that children put there or sold for next to nothing.  In actuality, they were worth a small fortune!  Knowledge really is power.   Parents, consider getting your heirlooms evaluated prior to your passing, so you can leave this information for your heirs.  Children, ask questions about the history of these heirlooms while mom and dad can still tell you.  Discuss together the possibility of gifting prior to death.  At the very least, mom and dad should document who gets what.

5.  When using professionals in the industry, check them out first.  Make sure they have no unresolved complaints against them with the Better Business Bureau.  Ask them for professional references, and ask how long they have been doing this work.  Ask your friends, neighbors, and other professionals if they can recommend estate professional appraisers and liquidators.  Be very leary of those who “dabble” in estate sales or yard sales; you need a pro.  If you think hiring a professional is expensive, you should try hiring an amateur.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Important Tips When Dealing with Personal Property from an Estate

| Julie Hall

When a loved one becomes infirm or passes away, the handling of the estate and contents lands on the lap of the heir(s).  If the heir is prepared, it will go much easier than if they operate in a crisis mode.  All too often, I see children who don’t know anything about the estate and contents.  It’s like they are literally walking into a dark house and starting from scratch with no guidance.

Here are some important tips to consider if you are currently dealing with an estate, or soon to be handling one.

1.  Don’t do ANYTHING until you know what it is and what it’s worth.  Do not give items to neighbors, friends, family, or charity until everything has been looked at by a professional appraiser, or you have been advised what the best method(s) is/are to proceed with dissolution of the estate.  It is well worth the cost to get this information.  It will even assist with equitable distribution, thereby keeping things as neutral as possible between the siblings.

2.  What is it worth?  What someone is willing to pay you for it.  It is not worth the dollar amount you see on the internet – that is only an asking price and usually quite inflated at that.  It is not worth what grandma told you back in the 70’s, and the stories that were told by previous generations can be a bit stretched through the years.   As with anything else in life, the value is contingent upon many factors, one of which is supply and demand. 

Since so many china sets have saturated the market, and will continue to do so, what do you think will happen to the price?  If the younger women want Pottery Barn and IKEA, and not grandma’s china, what will happen to these sets?  The prices will continue to plummet.  Always check with a professional appraiser first.

That’s enough to digest this week, but I have three more important tips for you next week!

© 2010 Julie Hall

Estate Etiquette Solutions

| Julie Hall

As promised last week, here’s how you can contribute to a more peaceful resolution when dividing heirlooms in your parents’ estate.

  1. Sit down and say what’s on your mind.  Beating around the bush confuses everyone.  Confrontation is not necessarily a bad thing.  My father always said that the day after a thunderstorm is usually clean, bright, and beautiful.  It clears the air and so does a confrontation that is more about sharing than finger pointing.  Some heirs can’t handle this confrontation, and I would definitely recommend some kind of mediation, if they want to save the relationship.  The down side is that if they don’t fix this early on, the relationship is normally irreparable as the damage is done.  Then, both parties live out their lives with anger in their hearts.
  2. It’s vital to do everything you can to keep the peace.  Regardless of what part you play in this, it will have an impact on you too, most especially a negative impact.  Even indirectly connected, it will touch you in some negative way.  To avoid this, do your best to take the “high road.”  It feels good to do so, though it’s not always easy.
  3. Validate the other person’s feelings if they share them with you.  At least, listen.  Repeat what they said to you so they feel you heard them.  Both should agree to simply do the best you can to smooth it over somehow.  A photo of Mom and Dad sitting in front of you wouldn’t hurt.  After all, this is about honoring them and not about the heirs.
  4. Encourage others to be a part of the healing process, if they would like to be.  It is not about taking sides.  It is about encouraging both parties to do what they can to heal the hurt.  Always remain objective and try very hard to see the other side.  Seeing both sides, or at least putting yourself in the other’s shoes, might very well lend some insight into the situation.  The problem is that we are generally too self-centered to do this.  Promise me you’ll try!

Dividing heirlooms can be one of the most contentious experiences of our adult lives.  There is no way to completely eliminate family squabbles.  But, you can learn to put them out when they are smoldering, instead of when they grow into a full-blown forest fire.

© 2010 Julie Hall